 |
The Next Step: Cooperative
Parenting During And After Divorce
Today Juvenile and Family Justice, Fall 1998
Susan Boyan, M.Ed., LMFT
& Ann Marie Termini, M.S., LPC
Historically, professionals in the field of domestic relations
have met the needs of families experiencing the devastating effects of divorce.
This stance has led to the development and implementation of voluntary and mandatory
programs for separating parents. Judges across the nation have signed orders
mandating educational seminars focusing on the effects of divorce on children.
While these time-limited seminars are helpful in ameliorating some of the adverse
effects of divorce on a child's healthy development, they do not meet the unique
needs of those children caught in the middle of their parents' intense hostility.
These two to four-hour programs are limited in their ability to address the
crippling tension, implicit and explicit differences of opinion and impaired
communication and conflict resolution skills characteristic of antagonistic
parents in the throes of divorce. Under these circumstances, it is imperative
that divorcing parents develop anger management techniques, effective communication
and conflict resolution skills and empathetic understanding of their children's
needs. Ultimately, divorcing parents need to learn the skills necessary to parent
in a two household structure.
It is time to take the next step and offer divorcing families a thoughtful,
extensively researched and practical program that is the clearest model yet
for assisting families in transition. Cooperative Parenting, a product
of Family Solutions, LLC is a video-based psycho-educational program designed
to reduce the major risk factor that influences a child's post-divorce adjustment:
parental conflict. At the same time, it increases the likelihood that both parents
will remain active in their child's life. This thoughtful and practical program
can be implemented in two formats: an eight session educational group format
and an individual co-parenting format. The group format is designed for parents
demonstrating mild to moderate levels of parental conflict while the individual
format is designed for parents demonstrating moderate to severe levels of parental
conflict.
While high-conflict divorce represents a minority of the divorce cases, they
demand an inordinate amount of the court's time, resources and money. Consequently,
programs that reduce destructive litigation and court involvement are necessary.
Since 1995, the Cooperative Parenting program has been used extensively
in the Atlanta area. Judges have routinely ordered parents to participate in
the program. Recognizing the value of the program, attorneys, guardians ad litem,
custody evaluators, mediators as well as therapist have recommended the program
on behalf of families in distress. Professionals in other states such as Florida,
Mississippi and Pennsylvania have been instrumental in facilitating the program
in their court systems.
Group Format:
Cooperative Parenting explores the issues associated with divorce through
a group format that can be implemented easily and safely while creating a supportive
group environment. The group format is designed for parents demonstrating mild
to moderate levels of parental conflict. It is facilitated by a trained parent
educator. It consists of eight two and one-half hour weekly sessions that incorporates
skill development, small and large group discussion, role play, parental interaction
and weekly homework assignments.
This stimulating and compassionate program can be facilitated by mental health
professionals, mediators, special masters, parenting coordinators and parent
educators employed by private institutions, universities, social services agencies,
hospitals, churches, schools and the court system.
The goals of the group format include:
- Assisting parents
shift their role from former spouses to co-parents.
- Educating parents
regarding the impact of parental conflict on their child's development.
- Helping parents identify
their contributions to conflict while increasing impulse control.
- Teaching parents anger
management, communication and conflict resolutions skills and children's
issues in divorce.
Individual Format:
(Currently Referred to as Parent Coordination)
The individual format of Cooperative Parenting examines the issues of
family separation through a systems perspective. The individual format is an
extensive program intended for trained psychotherapists to use in collaboration
with the courts. When the program is court-ordered, the therapist assumes the
role of Parent Coordinator. Under these circumstances, the Parent Coordinator
balances the needs of the family with the requirements of the court. Besides
facilitating the goals outlined in the group format, the Parent Coordinator
also assists the family by:
- Advocating for and
safeguarding the emotional and physical needs of the child.
- Ensuring the execution
of the living arrangements as specified in the Settlement agreement of court
order.
- Overseeing time-sharing
arrangements and exercising the authority to modify transitions as a means
of reducing stress for the child.
- Ensuring that both
parents maintain an ongoing relationship with their child.
- Collaborating with
professionals involved with the family.
- Mediating effective
mutual decisions on the child' behalf
- Monitoring the family
to ensure that all involved parties are fulfilling their Obligations to
the child and complying with the recommendations of the Court.
- Assisting parents
to develop effective parenting plans
- Reducing destructive
litigation over custody issues.
Fortunately, parental conflict
is one aspect of the divorce process which parents have the most control. Although
it takes time and effort by both parents to construct a co-parenting arrangement,
its time has come. Once it is recognized that divorcing parents are at high
risk of remaining in conflict, parents should be encouraged to take the next
step and become involved in a program that reduces the child's exposure to parental
warfare. Regardless of whether the parents have been given sole of joint custody,
establishing a cooperative atmosphere between separating parents can prevent
and decease the severity of emotional and behavioral problems in children. If
parental conflict is not treated, serious psychological difficulties in children
will probably continue into adulthood. Children who are raised in cooperative
atmosphere both during and after their parent's divorce are more likely to cope
successfully and develop a healthy attitude toward relationships. Regardless
of the family structure, children need parents who are dedicated to their well-being,
who support each other, and who separate their own personal problems from their
role as parents. Children who are remained in a cooperative atmosphere after
their parents' divorce are more likely to cope successfully and develop a healthy
attitude toward relationships.
Cooperative Parenting is the "next step" in providing binuclear families
with comprehensive programs that meet their unique needs. It is a compassionate
program that puts children first while creating promising solutions that focus
on education, intervention, mediation and the reduction of parental conflict
on situations of family separation. It has been hailed as one of the most innovative
approaches to emerge in recent years.
|
| |
|
|
|
